Well since birth my little brother has had special needs, but he was advanced enough mentally to comprehend things and function in everyday life enough to get by if noone else was around. We went to a cousin's bible vacation school today for their final play for the ending school. Emotionally and Mentally my brother is like a 5 or six year old. He found it fun to watch the little kids because in essence he is still a little child even though he's in a 200 plus pound 16 year old body going on about 6 feet tall! He says he wants to go back.


Earlier I got mad about this because I felt left out I guess. My aunt, uncle and their son go and he'll e going with them. I go with no one but myself every sunday and wensday night. Everybody else has their parents with them in the youth group there to tell them to come or go. I like not havingmy parents there to tell me to come and go, but it would still be nice for them to be there. All the kids in my youth group always talk about their houses and their rooms.

"You know that rock pile by our front lawn? It's not there anymore because we set up a new fence line."

They've been to each other's houses! They've been active and they know where the other one lives! I don't and I've been with this youth group for about 3 and a half years now. I feel left out still in some areas. I never went to church on a regular basis so I never have stories to talk about about previous youth pastors or missions trips. I wish I did. I wish I had grown up in a kids youth group to graduate into the teenage youth group so I could talk about field trips with other kids, but i didn't. I shouldn't feel left out at all. I've been a christian since I was 4 years old. That stuff doesn't really matter. I just wish I could talk about things with the kids my own age that have been through the same thing exactly and know that I've known that person for the past 6 years.

My brother saw the little kids today and he liked what he saw, but I told him its not what he thinks it is. Church is serious and he's too old to be in kids church and waaaayyy too big also. He'll have to sit and listen and he gets bored very easily and complains about it all the time in frustration. In a youth group he'd have to sit and listen and help out with things. Also my family would have to let the people know he's not a normal, mature kid. He's got special needs so they can't treat him like you would a normal kid.

This made me realize that I guess I really don't want him with me at my church at all as bad as it sounds. I live with him all day and all night and he cusses, bangs around on things, shouts, giggles, makes stupid comments, and plays tricks on me because he's a child like that. It gets old and annoying. I guess I'll be happy to send him away to another church. Just spending one day with him got on my nerves several weeks ago and I've decided now he's better off with someone who doesn't live with him. Those people have NO IDEA who they are allowing to be with them. Gahhh.

I'll praise the Lord that he sees something that he likes and I'll continue to pray that my family will come and we'll all go to church as a whole family. Whenever I tell my brother I'm going to church I sometimes wonder if he wishes he could go. I mean he most likely does, but we said no because he has anger problems and the littlest things can set him off into a bad mood where he cusses and pushes people around. He knows this about himself, but he still wants to go and he can't. I need help guys with my brother. I need direct help from God for his Healing. NObody really wants a special needs child and if you ladies ever do drugs while you're pregnant you'll be in for the ride of a lifetime! Actually you won't because you get your brithing rights taken away and the baby automatically isn't yourse anymore so yeah...you won't have to worry about it, but just remember you've ruined a defenseless baby's future to be a normal kid. Sounds bad, but that's what happens when you do drugs.